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Friday, September 16, 2005


Ever look into the mirror every morning and wonder: "What the hell I'm doing here?"

I'm worst. I don't bother asking anymore. Since when, did I start not looking forward to the next day? Or even the holidays? I feel like a zombie, living out my life that I have no control of. Wake up, go to work, eat, bathe, sleep. Rinse and repeat, day in, day out. I'm starting to loathe even the weekends.

Don't worry, I'm not going to do something silly. Yes, I've entertained THAT thought before... but believe it or not, I'm afraid of burning in eternal hell. To hear from someone like me who doesn't visit the church anymore... Funny huh?

I constantly heard people complaining: "Life Sucks!". Actually, it's our attitude that sucks. I hate it when I see people let themself wallow in self pity. To be totally honest, I was bummed when I find out I couldn't go to UK to continue my studies. I am still depressed, but luckily I had friends who supported me. I may be smiling like a clown, but deep down; I felt anger eating away in my heart.

Sigh~ I hate it when I began to wallow in self pity. Don't know why, just feel like blabbering today. I really need to see a rainbow. I remember, a few years back in college, I was walking back home feeling down. Suddenly, I looked up and behold - a beautiful rainbow in the sky. It was so breathtaking I stopped in my track and cried - in relief. Maybe it's God's way to comfort me. Maybe I do look forward in life for another rainbow to appear again.


tze said...

aww.. hang in there k seh seh? if there's a sure path laid out there for each and every one of us, it wouldn't be fun anymore, would it? we wouldn't learn how to appreciate things in life because we needn't work hard for them. at least, i won't.

Anonymous said...

yeah, i'm sorry to hear that your life has fallen into a rut... but hope you'll keep treking forward since (as cliche as it sounds) i believe that everything has its reason... we just might not see it as of yet... and maybe you won't see a rainbow just yet, but there are sunrises and sunsets.... and glittering specks of celestial perfection in the sky at least half as beautiful as a rainbow... sorry, i sound really weird right now, but really, hope life will be better... happy days to you! =)

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